Recently (yesterday in fact), this hilarious video has surfaced on social media, by the youtuber Fay Nelson. Take a look before I go any further…
It definitely appeals to my sense of humour. Exaggerated, sarcastic humour is my bag.
But there’s an issue behind this video that’s far sadder than Nelson makes out.
I know it’s an exaggerated situation and going to these lengths to scare off a guy who won’t stop bothering you is ridiculous. Very few of us will actually go this far in real life. (Hats off to you if you actually do!)
But it’s something that Nelson says at the beginning of her video that strikes a chord with me. She describes a guy who’s bothering her, persistently asking her out on a date, before she relents and says yes.
There.
Did you see it?
In the situation she depicts, there’s a total lack of respect for her decision. The guy keeps asking. And asking. So much so that she feels the need to say yes, just to get him off her back.
Kudos to her creative means of getting him to back the hell off again, but it’s this initial exchange between the two. We’ve all heard stories of our friend’s horrible dates they’ve been on, just to stop someone pestering them. Because they feel pressured and obliged because of the other person’s persistence, which, if you think about it, isn’t particularly attractive in the first place.
Since when does no mean ‘maybe?’
Or ‘I’m not sure?’
Or ‘Ask me again, I didn’t hear the question?’
No most certainly means no. It’s a negative response. It’s not indifferent, or inconclusive, or indecisive. In fact, no is a very decisive word. It’s one of the most basic and functional words in the English language and it should be very hard to misinterpret.
If we can’t get yes and no right in our dating culture, what hope is there in unraveling the complexities of rape and consent? If we can’t take no for an answer at the date stage, no wonder we’re having trouble understanding what no means when it comes to sexual intimacy. No wonder the issue of consent is on everyone’s lips right now. It comes down to the health of our dating/relationship culture.
I’m not targeting men here. There are many persistent people out there, no matter the gender or sexual orientation. But it seems to be a common issue that’s permeated dating culture in recent years and it’s affects will spread to friendships and relationships, as it affects how we interact and deal with our peers, bosses, family, colleagues. If no doesn’t mean no when we date, when else does no not mean no?
Picture Credit: Unurth Street Art, London
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